


chills me to the bone

by SailorChibi



Series: daddy bucky verse [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Age Play, Almost Drowning, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assumed Character Death, Baby Tony, Bathing, CPR, Cuddling, Daddy Bucky, Daddy Clint, Daddy Steve, Diapers, Flashbacks, Gen, Happy Ending, Hidden Relationships, I mean can you blame him though, Infantilism, Little Headspace, Little Wanda, Miscommunication, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Protective Bucky Barnes, SHIELD Missions, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has Trust Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark has PTSD, Tony still has the arc reactor, Tony suffers alone, a hand wavy version of CPR, all the feels, alternate universe - littles are known, because he tends to think he's the only one who suffers EVER, bottles, but then I'll put it back together, character MIA, character is not actually dead, civil war does not exist here, hidden classifications, i miss the arc reactor ok, little Tony, little natasha, mommy laura, no he seriously needs a hug, non sexual age play, non sexual infantilism, partial drowning, platonic sharing a bed, platonic sleeping together, seriously I'll break your heart, steve is a daddy to wanda in this, steve needs to get his head out of his butt, they all just think he's dead for maximum FEELS, tony tries to deal on his own
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2018-12-19 23:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11908239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorChibi/pseuds/SailorChibi
Summary: Tony and Bucky have found exactly what they need in each other, but have a mutual agreement to keep that quiet from the rest of the team - no one knows Tony's status as a Little, and that's how Tony likes it. Bucky's just relieved that he can be there for Tony after Tony has a very bad flashback. But then Bucky gets called out on a SHIELD mission and goes MIA, presumed dead. Suddenly, the whole team is openly grieving for Bucky... except for the baby who misses him most.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a commission that started out as just a request for Tony almost drowning, and ended with me being like "well let's stuff maximum angst in before we fix everything". Because I mean, you might as well.
> 
> I know zero about CPR and openly acknowledge that what's written is, in all likelihood, completely incorrect. Please learn from a trustworthy source and not my fic.

Like all of the floors in Stark Tower, the ‘pool floor’, as Clint had deemed it, had been spared no expense. There were several water slides, two different diving boards, a separate hot tub, a ‘kiddie’ pool, a smaller saltwater pool, and a chlorine pool that was three times the size of the pools that Bucky was used to seeing. All surrounded by coral-colored tile, cushy lawn chairs, soft towels, a fully stocked bar, and – to top it off – a skylight, which meant that they were swimming underneath the sun.

All housed under the roof of a man who couldn’t stand to be underwater.

Tony was reclining back on one of the lawn chairs, tablet propped up on his knees. His head was bent and he hadn’t looked up in several minutes; whatever he was researching had to be interesting, because the screams of Wanda and Natasha were pretty hard to ignore. Bucky had to sit on his hands to keep himself from walking over there and stealing the tablet, running his hands through his baby’s hair and smoothing away the stress lines on his face.

He'd thought about it before, and he was almost positive that Tony would be okay with going in the pool if Bucky was there with him. It had taken about a month of baths in less than a foot of water before Tony trusted him enough to raise the water level. Now they were up to Tony’s chest, just below the arc reactor, and Tony could still play without too much concern. If Bucky were to sit Tony on his hip, and they got into the water together…

“Okay, stop it Barnes,” Bucky muttered, earning a curious glance from Bruce. Bucky smiled back weakly. There was no point in longing for that, at least not right now, because there was no way Tony was going to let his secret slip out.

The world had no idea that Tony Stark was a Little. Somehow, even with all of the reconnaissance SHIELD had done and the fact that they all lived in the same tower, the team didn’t know either. Tony had done a masterful job of concealing what he considered to be his dirtiest secret right up until Wanda, Bucky, Sam and Vision moved in. Tony was used to hiding from Steve; one very late night not two weeks after Bucky first arrived, Tony’d forgotten that there was another supersoldier in the house.

It was shocking information at the time, yet when Bucky stopped and thought about it later he couldn’t believe he hadn’t put two and two together before. Tony was a natural Little when he let himself be. He just kept himself so tightly wound up that no one saw it. Until Bucky walked into the kitchen at 4am and found Tony sitting on the floor, sobbing, a spilled bottle beside him and a burn on his hand.

‘Rocky’ didn’t begin to describe their start. As far as the rest of the team knew, Bucky and Tony spent very little time together. Steve would have said, very confidently, that they didn’t even like each other. Steve would’ve been wrong. It was Bucky’s insistence that Tony not be left alone to struggle anymore that had gotten them this far; Tony hadn’t, and still didn’t, understand his perseverance. But Tony also wanted someone, _anyone_ , so badly that he hadn’t argued nearly as much as he could’ve.

So here they were, eight months later, and things were still awkward but they were getting better, Bucky thought. They tried to average one night a week. Steve thought Bucky spent those nights at a book club. A book club. Steve was an idiot. Bucky spent those nights playing, bathing, feeding and cuddling a beautiful baby boy who, mentally, was probably no older than twelve months, no matter how much Tony argued that he could be big if he wanted to.

It was heaven. Everything Bucky had ever wanted, wrapping up in a short (“I am not short! I am compact!”), cute, brown-eyed bundle. They clicked together beautifully. Bucky got to motherhen to his heart’s content, as Tony put it, and Tony got the caregiver he desperately needed (and frankly, Bucky still had no idea how Tony had struggled along on his own for as long as he had), except for one thing.

The team still didn’t know, and after Ultron Tony _really_ didn’t want them to know. He’d all but begged Bucky to keep his secret, convinced that this would be the last straw to getting him pulled from the team altogether, and what could Bucky do but agree? He’d seen the way the team treated Tony now. He didn’t even think anyone was even aware of it. But that extra layer of suspicion was definitely there, and Tony had noticeably pulled back from being so friendly with the team. And since no one except for Bucky went out of their way, or even noticed, to cross that bridge…

Needless to say the whole situation was a mess, but Bucky was determined to fix it somehow. 

“Hey Buckaroo, if you frown any harder your face will get stuck that way.”

Bucky looked up, startled. He’d been so deep in thought he hadn’t noticed that Tony had moved was now standing beside him. “That’s just my thinking face, so I doubt anyone would notice.”

Tony smiled. “They are kind of oblivious,” he said, though his tone was fond. “Not swimming? Your arm is waterproof. Won’t rust, either.”

“I know it is. I trust you,” Bucky said, and meant it. He could feel Steve watching them carefully, no doubt torn between pride that Bucky was conversing with someone without being prompted and concern that something would happen. But not concern for Tony, oh no. Concern for Bucky. Jesus, sometimes his skin just prickled with the urge to beat Steve over the head until Steve understood that Tony would _never_ hurt him. Even before Bucky became his unofficial caregiver, Tony wouldn’t have even dreamed of it. 

And if Steve would open his goddamned eyes for five seconds and look beyond what was right in front of him, he would’ve known that. For someone who took so much pride in being a caregiver for Wanda, Steve really was a fucking idiot sometimes. Here was a Little who had been needing someone since before Steve had even known Wanda existed, but Steve had never even tried to get close enough to Tony to find that out. No one had. It was maddening.

This time, Tony’s smile was less certain, more shy. “I thought I’d get drink. Interested?”

Getting a drink would mean walking past the pool. Bucky’s heart ached. Tony must’ve been having a truly terrible day. He wanted so badly to pull Tony into his arms at that moment, but he forced the urge back and settled for nodding. “Sure, I could go for something tropical.”

“I’ll make you whatever you want,” Tony promised as Bucky stood up. 

“Natasha, no running on the tiles!” Clint called. “Hey! That goes for you too, Lila!”

Lila and Natasha giggled together, exchanging looks of pure mischief. Laura, who was sitting on one of the lawn chairs with Nate at her breast, freed a hand to cover her mouth before she could laugh out loud and run their fun. Even Tony was smiling as the two girls snuck up on Clint and pushed him into the pool. Clint yelped and pinwheeled his arms madly as he fell forward, landing with a huge splash.

“Girls,” Laura said, trying to keep a straight face. “That wasn’t very nice.”

“Sorry Mom,” Lila said. “But Dad was being mean!”

“It’s not mean to keep you safe,” Laura said.

Clint surfaced with another dramatic splash. “I’ll get you for that,” he growled, making his hands into claws. 

“I’m not afraid!” Natasha said. “I kicked your butt at training last week!”

“That was then. This is now.” Clint lunged towards the pool ladder.

Both girls screamed with glee and turned to run. Bucky dodged Lila, but didn’t think to grab Tony. Didn’t think about the fact that the tile was wet with water and slippery, and that Tony was wearing those stupid Hawaiian-print shoes with the shitty soles, and that Lila was pretty strong when she wanted to be. He only registered what had happened when he heard the splash from right beside him, and – as though in slow motion – turned to see just one shoe where Tony had been.

“Lila!” Laura yelled. Bucky heard her from a distance. His ears were filled with the sound of his pounding heart as the seconds ticked by and Tony didn’t surface.

“Son of a bitch,” he hissed under his breath. No one else was moving. Clint and Steve were both in the pool but they were just standing there with expectant looks on their dumb faces. Bucky didn’t hesitate: he threw himself into the pool, barely pausing to suck in a breath before he went under to grab for Tony.

Finally, Steve seemed to realize something was wrong and swam over to help. Bucky swatted him away, surfacing and hauling Tony up with him. Tony was stiff with shock, eyes locked on something Bucky couldn’t see. Bruce was right there at the edge, getting a hold of Tony’s shoulders and helping to lever him out. He laid Tony down as Bucky scrambled out, already knowing the problem: Tony wasn’t breathing.

Natasha and Wanda were both crying at that point. Bucky didn’t care about them. He got his hands into position over Tony’s chest, but Bruce slapped them away. “Don’t! You’ll do more damage than help with the arc reactor.”

“But… But Tony –” Bucky was weak with shock, his head spinning. He wanted to scream at Bruce to do _something_ but at the same time he could barely move.

Bruce ignored him, leaning down press his mouth to Tony’s mouth. He breathed a couple of times, then did it twice more. He performed a couple of chest compressions around the reactor, but very careful, delicately. Nothing happened for the longest time, and it felt like the world was opening up under Bucky’s feet – he was vaguely aware of shivering, but nothing else mattered – 

And then Tony jerked upright with a gasp, immediately rolling over and vomiting on the floor. He was gasping and flailing, trying to push Bruce’s hands away. His eyes were wide, pupils the size of a pin, and he wasn’t seeing any of them, Bucky knew. He was seeing the men who’d waterboarded him in Afghanistan. Bucky stepped forward and grabbed Bruce’s arm to stop him.

“He needs medical attention!” Bruce hissed as Tony scuttled away from them; he must’ve recognized the tower on some level because he hurtled himself into the elevator, which closed immediately.

“I know. I’ll do it,” Bucky said.

“No offence, but he doesn’t know you -”

“I said _I’ll do it_ ,” Bucky growled, voice dropping into a dangerous register. His eyes must’ve looked like ice from how Bruce flinched, albeit subtly. He stepped around Bruce and stalked over to the stairs, not waiting for the elevator. No doubt they would come up with some kind of explanation for why Bucky wanted to chase after Tony. It wouldn’t occur to any of them that maybe Bucky just cared a frightening amount about Tony Stark.

He took the stairs three at a time, pounding down flight after flight until he hit the workshop. Because that was, undoubtedly, where Tony would go. “JARVIS, open the door!” he barked.

Maybe Tony hadn’t locked the workshop, maybe Bucky was the only one who could get in, maybe JARVIS recognized that Tony needed help – one way or another, the doors opened. Bucky shot inside and looked around frantically. He didn’t breathe until he caught sight of Tony, who’d wedged himself underneath his computer desk. The sound of crying told Bucky who he was dealing with, and he relaxed a little.

This, he knew how to do.

“Tony, baby,” he said, jogging over to the desk. “Come ‘ere, darlin’.”

Tony launched himself into Bucky’s arms with a wail, shaking from head to toe. Bucky gave him the tightest hug he thought Tony could withstand, trembling a little himself. It was just starting to sink in that he’d nearly watched Tony drown today. If Bucky had waited even ten more seconds to react, then maybe Bruce’s attempts at resuscitation wouldn’t have been successful.

“I know. I know, it’s okay, that was scary,” he choked out, rubbing a hand up and down Tony’s back. “JARVIS, crank the heat. And please monitor Tony’s lungs. Let me know if he needs medical attention, and pass along anything serious to Bruce as well.”

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes,” JARVIS said quietly. At the sound of his voice, Tony whimpered. “Would like me to continue speaking?”

“Please,” Bucky said, picking Tony up off the floor. Tony’s feet were probably cold anyway. He walked over to the couch and sat, not caring that they were both soaked. Dummy beeped and came over with a blanket, with Bucky took with quiet thanks. He wrapped the blanket around Tony and rocked the hysterical baby back and forth, while JARVIS’s soft, soothing voice spoke of the weather.


	2. Chapter 2

Sometime towards midnight, Tony finally fell asleep. He had stopped shaking from cold and shock about an hour after he and Bucky sat on the couch, but then the tremors had set in. Tony had trembled from head to toe for hours, face hidden in Bucky’s neck, raspy breath interspersed with soft sobs and coughs. He kept his arms locked around Bucky’s neck, and went into a panic if Bucky moved in any way or if JARVIS stopped speaking.

“I think he’s asleep,” Bucky whispered when he felt Tony’s body relax against him. Even in sleep, Tony’s grip was tight. Bucky had to pry his hands loose. “Keep talking, JARVIS. I want to get him into a diaper, and if he wakes up…” He trailed off, grimacing. Nightmares a foregone conclusion in a situation like this, so Tony needed as much sleep as he could get before that happen.

He stripped off Tony’s shirt and swimsuit and swapped them out for a diaper and a onesie out of the bag that Dummy had brought over. Then he wrapped the blanket back around Tony. It was hot in the workshop and Bucky was sweating, but he thought it was important to keep Tony as warm as possible. Maybe that would help to lessen the nightmares.

“Might I suggest taking young Sir upstairs?” JARVIS suggested, leaving off his recitation of some project he and Tony were working on. Bucky had lost track of what JARVIS was saying somewhere around the third equation. He prided himself on being able to keep up with Tony better than most people in the tower, but mathematics off the top of his head wasn’t his strongest point. Especially not right now. 

“Yeah, good idea. A bed will be more comfortable.” Bucky stood, easily hefting Tony into his arms. “His lungs –”

“I have been taking periodic scans and sending them to Dr. Banner,” JARVIS said. “He is in agreement that young Sir does not need to go to the hospital at this time. There is no evidence of water in his lungs. According to Dr. Banner, the coughing is because of irritation and should subside after a couple of days. I will continue to monitor young Sir.”

“Thank you, JARVIS,” Bucky whispered, meaning it. He’d seen people drown before – not just in water, but hours afterwards when they thought they were safe. It was a terrifying way to die. Had it not been for JARVIS, he would’ve had to figure out some way to get Tony to the hospital. And that probably would’ve been an unmitigated disaster. When Tony fell into his headspace he fell _hard_ , not to mention he loathed hospitals. There was no way he’d be able to be big for a hospital visit, which meant his secret would’ve come out. 

He pulled Tony closer, pressing a kiss to the baby’s warm cheek, and walked towards the elevator. He knew without having to ask that JARVIS would make sure no one else got into the elevator while Bucky and Tony were in there. And none of the Avengers except for Bucky had access to Tony’s private floor. Of course, Bucky was pretty sure none of them had ever bothered trying to access it.

The elevator rose smoothly and quietly until the doors swept open to reveal Tony’s floor. Bucky stepped out, pleased to feel the change in temperature: JARVIS had to have turned the heat up already. He carried Tony through the living room and down the hall. Normally Tony slept in his nursery when he was little, and Bucky took the guest room next door. Tony did have another bedroom, but Bucky had never been into it. He ended up carrying Tony into the guest room. It wasn’t a good idea for Tony to wake up alone.

Bucky laid the baby on the bed and quickly changed out of his own swimsuit. Both he and Tony stunk of chlorine, he realized, which may or may not be helpful. It was unlikely that the water Tony had been tortured with was chlorinated, but it was definitely a smell that strongly reminded you of water. There was no way Tony could tolerate a bath or even a shower right now, though. 

He crawled into bed with the baby, pulling Tony close. Tony snuggled into him, thumb in his mouth. Bucky had to smile, even as his heart ached. Tony was such a sweet baby. He rarely fussed, usually only when he was overtired or overworked, and really just had a deep desire to be loved. He didn’t need toys or anything like that: he was touch-starved, though Bucky had never brought the word up, and soaked up affection like a dry sponge, always ready for a hug or a cuddle. You couldn’t ask for a better Little.

“They’re all idiots, sweet boy,” he muttered, wrapping himself around Tony as best he could. Tony felt so small and fragile when they were laying together like this, with Tony’s head on his chest and his tiny toes curled around Bucky’s shins. Bucky would cheerfully murder anyone who tried to take this away from him.

It took a long time for Bucky to fall asleep, and when he did he was only asleep for a couple of hours before Tony woke up _screaming_ , begging and pleading for “them” to stop. Bucky jerked awake just in time to get punched in the face by a flailing fist; he dodged the second blow and grabbed for Tony’s hands, more afraid that Tony would hurt himself than a supersoldier. 

“JARVIS, lights!” he barked, because the arc reactor’s light wasn’t enough, and as soon as the overhead light went on and Tony saw who he was fighting with, the baby collapsed into tears. 

“Shh, baby doll, hey. It’s okay.” Bucky hugged him, rocking Tony back and forth. Tony cried himself out surprisingly quickly this time, breaths coming in shaky, gasping sobs. Bucky petted his hair and whispered that it was okay, that it was alright, that Tony was safe. He was pretty sure his words were falling on deaf ears.

“S’rry,” Tony mumbled at one point. He reached up a shaking hand and traced Bucky’s cheek. 

“Hey, no. Don’t apologize. It doesn’t even hurt,” Bucky said, which was true. Tony was practiced and skilled at throwing a punch, but honestly Bucky wasn’t even sure that Tony _could_ hurt him without the suit. 

Tony just closed his eyes and shook his head. He looked exhausted and sad. Bucky hugged him tighter and laid them both back down, letting Tony cuddle as close as he wanted – and not protesting when as close as Tony wanted turned out to be laying on top of Bucky, face buried in Bucky’s collarbone. Bucky just wrapped his arms around Tony’s waist and tried to sleep.

They were up twice more before dawn; once, Bucky woke up right as the nightmare was starting and was able to coax awake by rubbing his back and whispering in his ear. The third time, Bucky jerked awake to the feel of Tony shaking like he was being electrocuted. Tony’s mouth was clamped shut and he was making these hideous whimpering sounds, like he was afraid to make noise but couldn’t help it. He only screamed when Bucky woke him up, and then went into a full-scale panic attack.

As the light of dawn started to filter into the room, Tony was laying on his side. Bucky was curled up right behind him so that they were touching from head to toe. He had his right arm draped across Tony’s belly. Tony was clutching Bucky’s hand for dear life with one hand while sucking the thumb of his other hand. His shoulders shook with quiet sobs. 

Behind Tony, Bucky was free to rage in silence. He’d done some research into the assholes who’d kidnapped Tony Stark all those years ago. They were all dead now, which was unfortunate because Bucky would have loved to have spent some quality time with them. He didn’t often unleash the Winter Soldier anymore, but this was one situation where it would have been warranted. He knew Tony had killed most of them, but Bucky would’ve made _them_ scream.

“Sir,” JARVIS said.

“Yes, JARVIS?” Bucky said.

“Dr. Banner is asking to see you. He wants to make sure that you’re okay.”

Damn. Bucky had never begrudged Tony’s relationship with Bruce before, but right now he wished that they weren’t friends. “I don’t think –”

“No,” Tony whispered, pulling his thumb out of his mouth.

“Baby –”

“Bruce is worried,” Tony said, sniffing. He craned his neck to look at Bucky. His eyes were red and swollen, both from lack of sleep and tears. “And stubborn. He won’t give up until he sees that I’m okay. It’s fine. I can pretend for a few minutes.”

It went against Bucky’s better judgment, but he didn’t feel right putting his foot down about it, either. He was never really sure how far their relationship went (was he just a baby-sitter for Tony? Did Tony see him as a parent? An uncle? They’d never defined those terms), and he was hesitant to cross too many boundaries in case Tony got angry and decided he didn’t need Bucky anymore. 

“Okay,” he said reluctantly. “But I think you should keep a diaper on.”

Tony frowned. “That won’t help me be big.”

“Wetting yourself would help even less,” Bucky pointed out as gently as he could. He didn’t think Tony had the mental clarity necessary to keep his concentration on controlling his bladder and bowels right now. Most of the time Tony wore some kind of pull-up around the team, anyway. He was pretty sure this was just Tony’s way of trying to get back to himself.

Bucky got up first and stepped out of the bedroom; he didn’t want to go, he wanted to change Tony’s diaper and help him get dressed, but Tony insisted on doing it himself. He lingered outside the bedroom door, worried, until it opened. Tony stepped out, dressed in jeans and a blue pullover that might actually have been Bucky’s. He’d washed his face, but still looked tired and worn. 

“Let him in, JARVIS,” Tony said, shuffling towards the living room on unsteady feet. Bucky’s advanced hearing picked up the whisper of plastic against the denim. At least that was one question answered. Bucky hung back, forcing himself to stay out of sight.

The elevator doors opened as Tony got there. Bruce practically leapt out. “Tony! Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Brucie.” Tony smiled wanly. “Well, as fine as I can be after making a fool of myself in front of the team.”

“You didn’t make a fool of yourself,” Bruce said, crossing the distance between them quickly. He scanned Tony. “How’s your breathing?”

“My chest hurts a bit,” Tony allowed. “I’m coughing some, too.”

“That’s pretty normal. I did have to do chest compressions, and the area around the arc reactor is fragile. Can I…” Bruce waited to touch until Tony nodded. His fingers were gentle as he touched the area around the reactor. Tony still tensed up noticeably, his breathing getting shaky. Bucky clenched his hands into fists.

“It doesn’t feel like anything is broken. That’s good,” Bruce murmured, relieved. “I’ve been analyzing the scans JARVIS sent me. Your lungs look okay, or as good as they can be. But you still need to be careful. Drowning can affect victims for up to 48 hours after the fact. I don’t think you should be alone right now.”

“I’m not alone,” Tony said. His voice wobbled a little. “I’ve got JARVIS.”

“I meant another human,” Bruce said. “I could stay with you. It’s no problem.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I’m good.”

“Tony –”

“Bruce, please. I appreciate the offer. You know I do. But I really need to just be alone right now.” Tony’s voice broke, just a bit, on the last word. Bucky knew he had to be beating himself up for that; Tony hated showing weakness. But it seemed to be the thing that convinced Bruce, who sighed in resignation.

“Okay. I get it. But – if you start having trouble breathing, or if your coughing gets worse, _please_ have JARVIS call me. I really don’t want to have to do CPR on you ever again.”

“I will. I promise.”

Bruce cast him a doubtful look, but still backed up towards the elevator. “I’m coming to check on you again tonight whether you like it or not. And I’m bringing food, which you will consume in front of me.”

Tony nodded. He didn’t say a word as Bruce went back into the elevator. The second the doors closed, Tony put his hands over his face. A choked whimper spilled out of him. Bucky darted forward, but hesitated. He knew that Tony had serious triggers related to the arc reactor. No one was allowed to touch it. Tony didn’t even like it during bath time when Bucky was washing the skin around it. And now Bruce had been very close to touching it, mere hours after Tony had suffered multiple panic attacks – 

But then Tony whimpered again, and that decided it. Bucky put his arms around Tony very carefully, prepared to pull back if Tony flinched or seemed upset in any way, but Tony melted into him. His breathing was all shaky and raspy again, the way it got when he was trying to keep himself from crying. Bucky gritted his teeth and hugged him tighter, pressing his face into Tony’s hair.

“You’re safe, darlin’,” he said. “You’re safe with me. I won’t let anyone steal the reactor from you. I’ll tear ‘em apart with my bare hands if they touch you.”

Whether it was because Bucky had said the right thing or the wrong thing, Tony broke down crying. He began to bawl, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s neck. Bucky lifted him up, letting Tony wrap his legs around his waist, supporting him with an arm under Tony’s bottom. He patted Tony’s bottom and started to walk into the kitchen, intending to grab pacifier before they both went back to the bedroom.

And of course - _of course_ \- that was when JARVIS interrupted them, saying, “My sincerest apologies, Sergeant Barnes, but Captain Rogers is on the line. He’s requesting your immediate help for a SHIELD mission.”


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m not going.”

“You have to go.” 

“They’ll manage without me. I’ll call Steve and tell him that he’ll have to handle it on his own.”

Tony didn’t say a word. He just turned his head and _looked_ at Bucky, letting the silence and the expression on his face convey every ounce of skepticism that Tony was feeling at the moment. The chances of Bucky allowing Steve to go on a mission alone, or even just with Sam, were about as high as the chance of Fury quitting his position as Director of SHIELD tomorrow: zero. Less than zero. 

Bucky sighed. “Okay. You’re right. But I don’t feel right in leavin’ you.”

“I’m fine,” Tony said. It was probably the tenth time he’d said it in the last ten minutes. The words were starting to lose all meaning, not that they’d had much in the first place. “Seriously, go. We agreed that our… sessions would never interfere in our everyday lives. If you refuse to go, Steve’s gonna come down here and starting asking questions.”

And didn’t that idea just make Tony’s breath come short and quick. The last thing he needed was for one of the team to get a little too invested in figuring out what made Tony tick. He’d spent his whole life hiding his Little status from the world; in his personal life, besides Bucky, only Pepper, Rhodey and Happy were aware (circumstances had necessitated Pepper and Happy being told, but Rhodey had found out at MIT). Anyone else who had known – Howard, Maria, two doctors, and the examiner Howard had paid off – were now dead.

It was frankly a miracle that no one else had learned the truth so far. Well, a miracle and the fact that Tony was pretty sure no one else on the team (except maybe Bruce, who was too polite to pry much) cared enough to bother. They put up with him because he had the funding to support the team and because Iron Man was necessary in terms of air support, but that was about it. 

Sometimes it was hard to squelch the feeling that Wanda had stolen his place on the team. Wanda and Bucky both, really. Which was stupid. Tony had never been as friendly with the team as Wanda was, and he’d certainly never had the relationship with Steve that Bucky did. Or that Wanda did, for that matter. He had a lot of practice at ignoring jealousy, but damn if it wasn’t hard to ignore when she was cuddling up to Steve and Tony was yearning for a hug.

Things had gotten easier to deal with since Bucky had found out and insisted on acting as Tony’s caregiver whenever they could steal some time. But even that wasn’t the same. Their sessions could only ever happen behind closed doors, and Bucky didn’t care for Tony the same way that Steve cared for Wanda. No matter how much he might think of Bucky that way, Tony couldn’t imagine running up to Bucky and calling him “Daddy” out loud; he couldn’t imagine Bucky letting him. He definitely didn’t have the right to interfere with a SHIELD mission.

He looked up at Bucky, who was staring out the window with his arms folded. He made for an imposing figure, even if he was just dressed in jeans and a button-down shirt. Tony ruthlessly squashed the desire to give into tears and lift his arms, even though he knew Bucky would immediately scoop him up into a hug. Bucky was enough of a gentleman that he would refuse to leave if he thought Tony genuinely needed him.

So, Tony stood up. “I have a lot of work to do anyway,” he said as calmly as possible. “Pepper just told me that two of the ideas we sent before the Board are a go, so I have to create two new mock-ups by next Friday. I wouldn’t have time for this even if you were to stay.” That was a lie, but Bucky didn’t have to know that. 

“You’re sure?” Bucky said, clearly torn. “Natasha could go. Or Clint.”

“Natasha just gave in to her headspace. You know that it’s dangerous for her to switch back so soon,” Tony said. Bucky opened his mouth, probably to do something stupid like point out that the same applied to Tony, but Tony rushed forward with, “And you can’t let Clint go because Natasha needs him, and three children plus a Little is too much for Laura to handle. Besides, you and Steve work way better together than anyone else.”

“Sir,” JARVIS cut in before Bucky could respond. “Apologies, but the Captain is being quite insistent. He’s already been to the Sergeant’s floor, the gym, the communal floor, and down to the garage. He’s ask me to pass along that he’s planning to search floor by floor if necessary.”

“Oh for god’s sake,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. Never mind Tony, Natasha and Wanda, _Steve_ was like an honest to god child sometimes in terms of patience. “ _Go_ , Bucky, before your dumb boyfriend starts scaling the building and peeking in windows.”

Bucky cracked a smile. “Steve isn’t my boyfriend, but the sad part is I can imagine him doing that.” His smile faded, turning into the kind of serious, searching expression that always had Tony fessing up to any misdeeds when he was in his little headspace. “But if you start feelin’ little, I want JARVIS to call me.”

“Why, so you can worry from a distance?” Tony said, waving him off. “Yes, fine, whatever.” He was half-afraid, for a moment, that Bucky might try to hug him goodbye, because Tony didn’t think he could handle that. His mask would surely crack in half if Bucky did. He was at once relieved and disappointed when Bucky just nodded and headed for the elevator, calling out for JARVIS to patch him through to Steve.

The second he was gone, Tony said, “Ignore that, JARVIS.”

“Sir?”

“You’re not to bother Bucky with anything relating to me while he’s gone. Whatever this mission is, it must be big if Fury’s calling in Captain America and the Winter Soldier. Bucky needs to be able to concentrate.”

“Yes sir,” JARVIS said, those two words radiating disapproval.

Tony ignored that, as he always did, and walked into the bedroom. His hands shook a little as he stripped off his jeans and the diaper underneath, swapping them for a pull-up he’d designed himself. It was made from a material that looked and felt like fabric, but was absorbent enough to catch any leaks – though not to the point where the pull-up could contain his full bladder, unfortunately. That was still a work-in-progress, so for those times when he was fully in his headspace, a diaper was still necessary.

He looked in the mirror as he washed his hands, careful to avoid his eyes. It was the face of an adult staring back at him, so an adult Tony would have to be. Whether he liked it or not. He gritted his teeth together, firmly shoving down the urge to cry as his mind replayed Bucky walking out the door. He wasn’t going to do this alone. There was no point. It wasn’t the same without Bucky.

Fully dressed, and at least somewhat presentable, Tony took the elevators down to the communal floor. As soon as the doors opened, he was swamped by light and activity. His stomach immediately tied itself into knots. When he was feeling little, he hated being around crowds. There were just too many people to handle and too much attention to deal with; he always got overwhelmed. It was yet another reason why he’d never told anyone on the team about his status. 

But big Tony Stark lived for crowds. That was what he had to remember. He forced a smile onto his face and stepped into the living room, going unnoticed for the moment. Laura was sitting on the couch. Natasha was kneeling on the floor in front of her while Laura braided her hair. Lila and Wanda were sitting on a blanket in front of the television, playing with dolls together. Cooper and Clint were playing some kind of loud video game.

Rhodey was on vacation with his fiancée. Peter was probably at school. Sam was probably with Steve and Bucky. Tony wasn’t sure where Vision and Bruce were. Probably avoiding this calamity, most likely. He couldn’t blame them. He took a step back towards the elevator, half-thinking that maybe it would be better to go spend a while in Bruce’s lab, when Natasha looked up and spotted him.

“Tony!” she cried, jumping up. The braid Laura had been working on immediately began to unravel, but she didn’t seem to care.

“Uh, hey,” Tony said, uncomfortable when everyone in the room turned to look at him. Clint even paused the video game to stare. He dropped his gaze, toeing at the carpet.

Laura stood up and came over to him. “Are you feeling okay?” she asked, looking him over. “We were all so worried about you. JARVIS said you were fine, but…”

“I’m fine. JARVIS has been monitoring my vitals. All good,” Tony said with another forced smile. He wished they’d all stop staring at him. No. He wished Bucky was here. Bucky was so good at deflecting attention from Tony even when Tony was big. He’d do something – anything – and then wrap an arm around Tony’s shoulders, let Tony hide his face in his neck – 

“Thank goodness,” Laura said, looking genuinely relieved. “Come on. You can help me braid Natasha’s hair.” She touched his arm and, when he didn’t pull away, gently took hold. She led him over to the couch. Natasha threw her arms around him in a hug that was over before Tony could even start to decide how to respond, then pushed him down on the couch.

“Braid my hair,” she demanded, dropping to her knees. 

“What do you say?” Laura said.

“Please?” Natasha said, glancing over her shoulder. She smiled sweetly and Tony’s heart melted. It was so nice to see Natasha like this. She still struggled a lot with showing and accepting affection when she was big, he knew. But when you were little, it was so much easier to accept or give love.

“Of course,” Tony said, glad that his hands were clean. He picked up where Laura had stopped, and gradually his heart stopped pounding so hard. Laura had taught him how to braid hair a couple months ago, and, though he hadn’t had a ton of practice, he was finding that it was soothing work. Kind of like working on an engine. There was a pattern to it that he could appreciate.

Clint leaned over and whispered something to Lila, who turned to look at Tony. “I’m very sorry for knocking you into the pool,” she said, looking as apologetic as a little girl could.

Tony drummed up a smile. “That’s okay. You didn’t mean to.”

“Mommy told me not to run around the pool anymore,” Lila said with a glance at Laura, who smiled and nodded.

“Your mommy’s right,” Tony said. “I appreciate the apology. All is forgiven.” Because he could hardly blame an eight-year-old for giving him a night of horrendous flashbacks and nightmares, could he? It had been an accident. He wouldn’t sleep for another week, but it was all fine.

And it was. Tony spent the next couple of hours watching Lila, Natasha and Wanda play a game called ‘Pretty, Pretty Princess’. Then Laura made everyone lunch. Tony wandered off to join Bruce in the workshop after that, and they didn’t emerge until well after 4am. He spent the rest of the night sitting upright in a chair in his room, playing with ideas for armor upgrades.

Two days ticked by. Then three, four. Then five. Tony told himself he wasn’t worried. Sometimes SHIELD missions could take weeks. The longest on record was one that Natasha and Steve had been sent on, which had lasted three months. After that, Fury had promised that no one would be called out for more than two weeks because of the stress it put on the Avengers, but Fury had lied before.

Then Steve came back on a stretcher. So did Sam, but at least he was conscious. Bucky didn’t. Tony, gathered in the hospital wing with the rest of the team, looked around for him, but there was no sign of Bucky in any of the beds. And Sam was looking around at them with grave eyes, then casting a very sad look in Steve’s direction. Steve, who looked perfectly whole and healthy, who looked like someone that might’ve been sedated for hysteria – 

“Bucky’s gone,” Sam whispered, the quiet words shattering Tony’s world apart. “He never made it out. At best, he’s M.I.A. At worst…” He trailed off, but the full meaning of his words still hit. Laura gasped quietly. Natasha turned white. Wanda began to cry.

Struck dumb, unable to comprehend, Tony just stood there.


	4. Chapter 4

It took a little while to pry the full story out of Sam. The mission had been to infiltrate and take down a Hydra base. Steve, Bucky and Sam had been on standby while a couple of SHIELD agents went in first. It took all of an hour, Sam said, for the whole mission to go to shit, because it turned out that SHIELD's intel was wrong. Instead of two dozen Hydra agents, they'd been met with well over two _hundred_.

"It was a clusterfuck," Sam said miserably, putting a hand to his chest and grimacing. He had three cracked and two broken ribs. "I'll be honest, I don't even remember a lot of it. I lost sight of Cap and Winter within a couple of minutes. Then it was just a sea of Hydra. Next thing I knew, some SHIELD agent was yelling at me to follow her. She said reinforcements were there. So I did."

But when things had settled, it was Steve who realized that Bucky was gone. There was no sign of him in the wreckage, and no one - not even Steve - could accurately pinpoint the last moment Bucky had been seen. Steve had _lost_ it, raging and screaming at the Hydra prisoners, threatening to kill them with his bare hands unless they told him where Bucky was. Medical had had to sedate him.

Tony listened to the story with a feeling of numbness. Wanda and Natasha were both full-on sobbing. Laura ushered them out of the room, leaving Clint, Bruce, Thor and Tony behind to speak to Sam. Tony watched as the others began to make plans, but didn't say a word himself. He felt like he was watching this happen from a great distance: the ability to talk was far beyond him.

Eventually, Bruce decided to go back to the tower and he took Tony, Laura and the girls with him. Tony found himself sitting alone in the living room on his floor with no real memory of how he'd gotten there. He stared blankly at the coffee table, where there was a blue mug with a silver handle. It was Bucky's mug, one of its favorites, and somehow it kept turning up in Tony's kitchen even though Bucky spent most of his time on the communal floor like everyone else.

It was then, in the dark with only JARVIS for company, that the tears came. The first one slid down his cheek without Tony's notice, but then he blinked and his eyes were suddenly overly full. Bucky _couldn’t_ be dead. He just _couldn’t_. Tony stuck his thumb in his mouth and slowly slid sideways until he was curled up into a fetal position, where he quietly cried himself to sleep.

Steve came home two days later. Right from the get-go, Tony could tell that a disaster was forthcoming. Steve was acting like a caged animal, restless and snapping at anyone who dared to speak to him. The only person who could get close was Wanda; she’d walk up to Steve and lift her arms for a hug, and every time Steve would scoop her up without pause. It was enough to make Tony ache with envy.

Distracting Steve became the name of the game for the Avengers. He was basically never left alone, though part of that was the fear that if he was left alone, he’d take off looking for Bucky. Fury had assured them that SHIELD was looking, but Steve – and Tony – had his doubts. Tony had quietly fired up every last program he’d used last time when they were trying to find the Winter Soldier, and was scouring the planet for any sign of a person matching Bucky’s face.

(Tony wasn’t letting himself think too closely about the fact that they might not find _Bucky_. Depending on what Hydra had in mind, they could very well be looking for some version of the Winter Soldier again. The code words might have been gone from Bucky’s brain, but that fucking chair could still leave him a blank canvas for Hydra to operate on at will. He missed Bucky in ways he couldn't even voice.)

As for Steve, Natasha made him spar with her. What he and Thor did couldn’t be termed sparring exactly, because it was more like throwing each other around the room. Bruce joined him in making meals. He and Sam went out jogging twice a day. Clint dragged him down to the practice range. He and Vision watched hours of movies. Even the kids and Laura joined in, persuading Steve to join them for a tour of the city. 

It wasn’t helping. By day seven, Tony could see the impending storm. He just wasn’t expecting to be the cause of the explosion. At Wanda’s less than tactful suggestion (and by suggestion, Tony meant that she’d cornered him in the kitchen and made her hands glows red until Tony agreed to stay away from Steve. He’d then escaped to his room and suffered a panic attack, not that Wanda knew or cared about that last part), Tony had been making it a point to avoid Steve.

But that afternoon, Steve walked into the workshop and said, “Hi Tony.”

“Hi?” Tony said, sitting up. Right away he regretted having lain down on the couch. But he hadn’t slept for more than ten hours in the past week, and fatigue was making his head spin. Every time he tried to sleep, he inevitably woke up wet and bawling from nightmares about one of three things: being tortured, Wanda’s magic, or finding a Winter Soldier who had no idea who Tony was. It was getting really hard to keep his big headspace.

“I need you to start looking for Bucky,” Steve said abruptly, apparently deciding to forego any other courtesies. “I can’t handle waiting around for SHIELD to do something. We need to find him.”

Tony stared at him, wondering if he should be insulted that Steve assumed he hadn’t started looking already. Did the team think that poorly of him? “Steve, I –”

“I don’t want to hear it. I know you hate Bucky, but I really need you to put aside your petty grudge and just focus on trying to find him. You have to be the bigger man here, Tony. They could be torturing him! He could end up as the Winter Soldier again! Is that what you really want?” Steve was looking a little wild around the eyes.

“No, of course not!” Tony exclaimed, stung. He stood. “I don’t –” He’d been about to explain that he didn’t hate Bucky at all, that he and Bucky were friends, but he wasn’t given the chance. Steve cut him off.

“I just don’t understand you and your attitude sometimes. Bucky is a _good_ person.”

Tony opened his mouth and then closed it. Then he said quietly, “Unlike me, you mean.”

Steve didn’t refute it. He just looked at Tony. He wasn’t glaring, but the look of disappointment cut deeper. “As head of the Avengers, I’m _ordering_ you to do this. Consider it your immediate dismissal from the team if you don’t. We don’t need someone who isn’t willing to help his teammates.”

He was not going to break down in front of Steve Rogers. Tony controlled himself, meeting Steve’s gaze. “That’s not necessary. I _already_ -”

“None of your excuses, Tony. Just do it!”

“But… Steve, Bucky is my…” Tony trailed off, watching as Steve turned on his heel and stormed towards the workshop doors.

“I just said I don’t want to hear it! I expect results within the next twelve hours, or you’re off the team!” Steve yelled over his shoulder. Had he been capable of slamming the door, he probably would’ve. Thank god JARVIS controlled the doors, or Tony would’ve had broken glass to replace.

Tony just stood there for a moment, staring at the spot where Steve had been. “JARVIS,” he said, and his voice was only a little shaky. “Any results?”

“None yet, Sir,” JARVIS said regretfully. “Might I suggest a call to Colonel Rhodes? He is still your emergency contact.”

“No. No way. I’m not interrupting Rhodey’s vacation.” Tony wiped his face. Rhodey was great, but he wasn’t what – or who – Tony wanted. “Keep searching, J. If you find anything, alert me or Natasha before Steve.” Because last time, there’d been a bunch of false alarms – fake sightings, or even just times where the alert came too late. He didn’t think Steve could handle that this time around.

He walked towards the doors, figuring that Steve was long gone. After that interaction, he couldn’t handle being alone. He needed company, and he figured that the most willing person would be Bruce. He knew that Laura and the kids wouldn’t turn him away, but it was likely that Clint would be there too and he wasn’t in the mood to deal with Clint’s glares and muttered comments.

Bruce’s lab wasn’t nearly as welcoming as Tony’s workshop. It was far too tidy, for one thing. Perhaps Bruce just had a compulsive desire to keep the area clean, but Tony could never shake the feeling that Bruce put everything away because he might not come back. They’d never discussed Bruce’s departure after Ultron; he’d just showed up on the doorstep of the tower one day about nine months ago, not long before Bucky joined the team, and quietly moved back in.

“Hey Brucie,” Tony said, forcing brightness into his voice. “Got a minute? I have an experiment I’d like your input on.” That was a lie. But he’d come up with something if only Bruce would say yes.

Bruce paused where he was in the middle of removing his lab coat, as though tempted, then shook his head and slid it off all the way. “Sorry. Natasha said Steve’s in a mood. She wants me to see if some yoga will help him calm down.”

Steve again. Tony bit his lip. The team had been rallying around Steve so much that Tony had barely interacted with anyone in the past week. “Bruce, I could really use your help.”

“I said I can’t, Tony. Maybe later.” Bruce folded his coat and set it on his desk. 

“But Bruce, I – ” Tony was going to say that he needed to be around someone. He couldn’t bring himself to say that he didn’t want to be alone, but it was true. And as much as he wanted to keep his Little status a secret, it was on the tip of his tongue to spill everything.

But Bruce cut him off with an impatient wave of his hand. “Not now. Don’t be so selfish. Steve needs the team right now. It’ll be have to be later.” He hurried past Tony and into the elevator, leaving Tony standing there alone.

There was a dull roaring in Tony’s ears. The mess of grief and fear that had been sitting in a cold, hard knot right in the middle of his chest all week was smothered by numbness. He stared at Bruce’s perfectly folded lab coat and didn’t even process the petty desire to throw it on the floor, or at least leave it in a messed up heap. Instead he just turned and walked out of the room.

“Sir,” JARVIS said, sounding urgent. “My scans indicate that –”

“Mute,” Tony said blankly. 

Obediently JARVIS went quiet, though Tony could sense the disapproval. He didn’t care. It was official. No one in the tower even wanted him there anymore. They all thought he was a terrible, selfish person. Even though he’d opened his home to them, funded their professional as well as their personal lives, and made them awesome equipment for free… it was never enough.

It would never be enough.

He returned to his own floor and entered his bedroom. It was the first time he’d been back since that night he and Bucky had slept here. The room was a mess. Diapers and wipes were strewn across the floor, along with the clothing they’d been wearing: the room smelt strongly of chlorine, and Tony realized distantly that he hadn’t even showered since that day. Not that it mattered. No one cared enough to be in close proximity to him, so what difference did it make?

He slid into the bed and curled up into a ball. It was cold without Bucky’s heat to warm it up, but Tony supposed he was going to have to get used to the chill. Even if Bucky did come back (and god Tony hoped he did, if only so he wouldn’t have to take the blame for Bucky’s absence. Maybe he was as selfish as Bruce and Steve thought), he wasn’t going to want to be with someone as horrible as Tony. And he definitely wouldn’t want to be Tony’s daddy. That was a long-hidden dream he might as well give up on. No. If Bucky came back, he would break things off immediately.

Putting his thumb in his mouth, Tony waited.


	5. Chapter 5

Bucky spent six and a half days _bored out of his fucking skull_ in some hole in the ground. Of course, he didn't know that it was just short of a week at the time: he was mostly focused on the scrap of whispers he could hear from Hydra scientists whenever he wandered back to consciousness. It seemed that Tony had followed through on his promise to eradicate every trace of that infernal chair from Hydra's databases, because none of the scientists knew how to build a new one. 

So their solution was to stick Bucky into a small, cramped cell in the ground and leave him there while they tried to figure out how to get the Winter Soldier back. The first time a scientist stood in front of Bucky and calmly recited the code words in Russian, Bucky took great pleasure in spitting in the asshole's face. The disgusted look his action earned was worth the subsequent beating that they bestowed upon him.

In the end, it was that beating combined with their sheer ineptitude that allowed him to escape: he faked pain, pretending that the beating had done real damage, and the stupid idiots actually allowed him out of the cell so that a doctor could see to him. Bucky took his chance: he 'borrowed' a gun from the nearest guard and left a trail of bodies in his wake as he marched out of the Hydra base.

It didn't take him long to figure out that he was being held by a small contingent of Hydra agents that were off the beaten path; from the looks of their records, which he skimmed quickly, they hadn't even alerted the rest of Hydra to the fact that they had the Winter Soldier in their possession. Seemed they wanted the glory of having reinstated the Winter Soldier. Idiots. It worked for Bucky: it meant that the main part of Hydra wasn't even aware he'd been there, and he walked away free as a bird.

He found his way to the nearest city and figured out pretty fast that he was in China, which was literally miles away from where the mission had started in Japan. God only knew where his wallet had ended up, but Bucky was fortunate enough to find a cashier of a small convenience store that took pity on him. She let him make a phone call after he promised that the store wouldn’t absorb the charges.

He called home.

JARVIS answered instead of Tony, which was kind of funny, but Bucky didn't dwell on it for too long. Especially since JARVIS snapped immediately into action, alerting SHIELD and contacting the nearest airport. He was personally escorted to saidairport by three SHIELD agents who were stationed in China, and within two hours of escaping from Hydra, Bucky was on a private Stark Industries flight headed for New York.

Because it was a Stark plane, there was plenty of food and a private shower for Bucky to use. He ate, then scrubbed himself for head to toe, lingering in the hot water until it started to run cold. Only then did he climb out, dry off and haul on the S.I. sweatpants and muscle shirt that the flight attendant had left for him. It felt good to be clean again. It would feel even better once he got back to the tower.

Steve, Natasha, and Sam met him at the airport. Bucky barely got down the steps before Steve was on him, seizing him in a powerful hug that lifted Bucky clean off his feet. His first reaction was to laugh and pound Steve on the back, but then he realized that Steve was genuinely upset, that Steve’s hands were shaking a little where they were holding onto him.

“Hey, Stevie,” Bucky said, softening his tone. “I’m fine.”

“You were gone for a week,” Steve choked out. “I thought –” He didn’t finish his sentence, but it didn’t take a genius to guess what he’d been thinking. 

“I know,” Bucky said, because it was the same thoughts that had gone through his own brain at first, and it was only Hydra’s massive incompetency that had kept their worst fears from coming true. Bucky legitimately didn’t know what he would do if he ever fell prey to being the Winter Solider again, but it wouldn’t be pretty.

He hugged Steve back for several minutes until, at last, Steve took a shuddery breath and stepped away. Natasha immediately crowded in, curling herself under Bucky’s arm in a way that suggested she was somewhere between her headspaces. Bucky kissed the top of her head and held out a fist for Sam to bump. Sam actually smiled at him and didn’t add in a snarky comment, which spoke volumes about how hard the past week must’ve been.

It only served to ratchet Bucky’s concern for Tony that much higher, though he did his best to conceal that. “How’s everyone else?” he asked, figuring that was a safe enough question.

“They’re good. Clint and Laura and the kids are looking forward to seeing you. Bruce said he misses his meditation partner,” Steve said, rolling his eyes a little. He was smiling stupidly though. “Thor said to tell you that he can’t wait to take us both on in the training room again. Apparently I’m not enough of a challenge alone. And Wanda’s missed her Uncle Bucky something awful.”

Bucky waited, but Steve seemed like he was finished. So he said, “What about Tony?”

Something unpleasant flashed across Steve’s face at the mention of Tony, there-and-gone again too fast for Bucky to identify. Then Steve said, very shortly, “He’s Tony.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Bucky asked.

“It means I’m thinking about kicking him off the team.”

“Steve!” Sam said.

“What?” Bucky exclaimed at the same time. Natasha had gone very quiet beneath his arm.

“He couldn’t even be assed to look for Bucky,” Steve said heatedly. It was obviously an argument he’d had with Sam before. “I had to _order_ him to start the search after a week, Sam. Is that the kind of person you want out on the field with you? Someone that selfish who only thinks of himself?”

Sam sighed. “No, but –”

“But nothing. He gave me such an attitude, too. As though it matters what his opinion is!” Steve huffed with anger, drawing himself up. He caught Bucky’s eye. “Don’t worry about it, Buck. You’re home now and everything is okay. We’ll deal with Tony as as a team. I won’t let him act like that anymore.”

“Act like what?” Bucky said, genuinely astonished. He was also getting a very strong sinking feeling. “Steve, exactly what happened when you talked to Tony?”

“I said don’t worry about it. I took care of it.” Steve smiled and patted Bucky’s arm. “Let’s not talk about Tony right now, okay?”

Bucky ignored that, zeroing in on the most important part of that sentence. “Took care of it. You mean you did your posturing routine and yelled at him,” he said, stopping right there in the middle of the airport. He knew exactly what he was talking about. He’d seen it happen at least a dozen times over the past year when Tony and Steve got into a squabble. And while it wasn’t always Steve’s fault, because sometimes Tony thoroughly enjoyed being a brat, it somehow Steve was always the one who finished it. Usually by towering over Tony and yelling him into silence.

On the surface, it wasn’t that big of a deal: Tony was a businessman. He’d stood up to worst people than Steve Rogers. But in Bucky’s opinion, that was exactly the problem. Tony had grown up being spoon-fed adoration of Captain America. So every negative word that Steve said (or screamed) sank way deeper beneath Tony’s skin than anything someone else said. Not to mention Tony was a Little: bad tempers and anger were hard for any Little to deal with, much less a baby.

“You should’ve heard what he was saying!” Steve protested. “And I didn’t yell.”

“Right. You just spoke really loudly.” Bucky dropped his arm from around Natasha, who took a step back. That allowed him to get right up into Steve’s face. “I just spent six and a half days in a fucking hole in the ground,” he hissed. “The last thing I want to do is find out that you’ve been treating my – my friend,” he just barely stopped himself from saying ‘my baby’ “like a cockroach under your foot. If your ‘talk’ with Tony went the way I suspect it did, I’m going to punch you in the face as hard as I can. And you’ll be lucky if that’s all I do!”

Steve’s mouth dropped open and he actually sputtered. “That’s – that’s not – Bucky!”

Bucky didn’t listen. He stalked through the crowd, which parted before him like a wave, and bypassed the parking lot even though he knew that’s where the car was parked. Because Steve might have had problems with Tony, but he wouldn’t think twice about taking one of Tony’s vehicles to the airport. That kind of attitude grated on Bucky’s nerves. He threw an arm up to stop a cab.

He was on pins and needles the whole way back to the tower, and couldn’t wait to get out of the cab; fortunately, the cab driver recognized him as an Avenger and was aware that the fee could be charged to Tony’s accounts. Bucky leapt out and dashed into the tower. He headed straight for the elevators. Normally he would’ve gone to the communal floors, but he had a strong suspicion that wasn’t where he would find Tony.

“Sergeant Barnes,” JARVIS said as soon as elevator doors swept shut. “Allow me to say what a pleasure and a relief it is to see you safe at home.”

“How bad is he, JARVIS?” Bucky asked.

“Sir has not moved in the past twelve hours,” JARVIS admitted. It was easy to hear the concern in his voice if you knew what to listen for. “After the argument that he had with Captain Rogers and Dr. Banner, he is not responding to my voice.”

“What argument with Bruce?” Bucky muttered to himself. How the hell had things gone so wrong in his absence? Not that it really mattered. This business of the team being shitheads towards Tony stopped _now_. At the very least, Bucky was done sneaking around when he just wanted to spend time with Tony. He wasn’t ashamed of caring about Tony Stark.

The doors opened and Bucky sprang out, bolting towards Tony’s bedroom. He stopped in the doorway to stare. Nothing Hydra could’ve done to him would’ve hurt more than seeing Tony at that moment. The baby – Bucky’s baby – was curled up into a fetal position on the bed. His head was resting on one of Bucky’s sweatshirts. He was sucking his thumb listlessly, eyes staring off into space. 

“Oh baby boy,” Bucky breathed, closing the distance between them in a handful of steps. The realization that he’d been a fucking idiot to leave Tony hit him all over again. Tony had lost weight, and the dark circles under his eyes spoke of several nights without sleep. Now that he was closer, he could see that Tony’s hands were trembling – whether that was from fatigue, panic or some combination of the two, it was hard to tell. But Tony was so good at keeping those signs under wraps that it only served to heighten Bucky’s alarm.

Protective instincts clamoring, he laid a cautious hand on Tony’s arm. “Tony, darlin’? It’s me. I’m home.”

It took a good twenty seconds for Tony’s eyes to focus on him, and even then the lack of awareness was deeply concerning. Bucky tried to smile, inwardly raging in fury. How could it have gotten this bad? How could the team have let it get this bad? Not knowing that Tony was a Little was no excuse. Someone, _anyone_ , should have been paying closer attention.

“C’mere, doll.” He carefully slid his hands under Tony’s arms and lifted the baby up. Tony was completely pliant, folding up bonelessly in Bucky’s lap. He reeked of sweat and urine and grease. Bucky tried not to wrinkle his nose, wrapping both arms around the baby and rocking him back and forth, mentally sorting out what Tony needed the most. A bath, a diaper and a bottle were in high demand.

Some ten minutes later, Tony shifted against him. His voice was barely audible. “Dada?”

Bucky couldn’t breathe. He legitimately couldn’t breathe through the fierce swell of love and rage that swamped him. “Dada’s here,” he managed finally, too wound up with emotion to even be able to enjoy Tony using that name for him. He’d be happy about it later. Right now, he kissed Tony’s tear-damp cheek. “Dada’s here, darlin’.”


	6. Chapter 6

It took about an hour to get Tony bathed, diapered and down with a bottle. The baby was placid to a concerning degree; Tony was a happy baby, as far as Littles went, but right now he didn’t seem capable of doing more than laying limply in Bucky’s arms. Bucky was terrified that this was the time when Tony had been pushed too far. And it would only make sense if that was the case considering the footage JARVIS had shown him.

He paced back and forth in the living room, stewing over the glimpses he’d seen of the past week. Slowly but surely, their so-called team had rallied around Steve. Which was great, but in the process they’d pushed Tony aside. And it was understandable to some degree, because Tony was a good actor and the team thought that he and Bucky weren’t close. Of course their first concern would be for Steve.

But frankly, Bucky wasn’t buying it. Their team had two super spies on it for god’s sake. Natasha in particular claimed to be a master at seeing through people, and she’d definitely spent some time in her big headspace while Bucky was gone. Why hadn’t she figured out what was going on? Why hadn’t Wanda, who – in spite of what she claimed were her best efforts – could see into people’s heads when her control slipped? Why couldn’t Bruce, who was Tony’s best friend? Why hadn’t Steve, who was arguably the most familiar with Littles out of all of them?

It was garbage. There was no excuse for how Steve and Bruce had reacted when Tony had tried to reach out for help. It made Bucky’s blood boil to see the way the two of them kept cutting Tony off when he spoke. Especially since Bucky recognized the look in Tony’s eyes: he’d been teetering on the cusp of his headspace, possibly ready to confess, and everything had been thrown back into his face. 

“JARVIS,” Bucky said, deciding he couldn’t wait. He hated to leave Tony, but the baby was sleeping and he had a burning desire to confront the others. “I need to talk to Steve. Can you look after Tony? Let me know if he shows any signs of waking up? I’ll come right back if he does.”

“Of course, Sergeant Barnes,” JARVIS replied. “Young sir is sleeping soundly. Captain Rogers is on the communal floor. Agents Romanov and Barton, as well as Mrs. Barton, Dr. Banner and Miss Maximoff, are with him.”

“Where are Sam and Thor?”

“Prior engagements,” JARVIS answered. “They’ve both expressed their apologies for not being present for your welcome party.” JARVIS sounded a little sarcastic. “It seems Captain Rogers has told everyone that you are debriefing with SHIELD.”

Bucky ground his teeth. Had Steve even listened to their conversation, or had Bucky been speaking to the air around them? It really got on his nerves how much Steve seemed to live in his own head now. He couldn’t remember whether Steve had always been like that, or if it was a recent development. In either case Bucky didn’t like it, and it was past time that he said something about it that not even Steve could ignore.

“As though I’d waste my time with SHIELD right now,” he muttered. Fury knew better than that; he wouldn’t be in touch until tomorrow at the earliest. “Thanks JARVIS.” 

He took a quick glance in at Tony, who was still sound asleep in the crib, before he left the floor. The elevator took him quickly down to the communal floor. As soon as Bucky stepped out, he was given enthusiastic greetings from Clint, Laura and Bruce. None of them appeared to realize that there was anything wrong. Not a single person asked where Tony was.

Bucky was probably shorter with them than he should’ve been, but he was impatient to get to Steve. He stepped out from around Bruce and saw that Steve was in the kitchen, opening up containers of take-out and setting plates out. For once, the smell of the amazing Thai food from that little restaurant Bucky loved didn’t make him hungry. If anything, the smell made him kind of nauseous. 

“Hey Buck,” Steve said, looking up with a smile. “I got your –”

Bucky punched him.

Hard.

“Bucky!” Natasha yelped, sounding horrified; she grabbed for his arm, but Wanda had already raised a hand. Red magic threw Bucky back against the wall with enough force to knock the air out of his lungs. 

“Steve! Oh my god,” Laura said. She and Bruce rushed over to him. Steve had both hands cupped over his face. Blood streamed between his fingers, and his eyes were already beginning to blacken. Bucky hoped that his nose was broken. He was pretty sure it was. Unfortunately, the serum would heal the small injury within the hour, but it was still temporarily satisfying.

“What the hell was that?” Clint demanded, turning on Bucky. Their eyes were collectively filled with mistrust now. It was the way they’d looked at him when he first came to the Tower, like Bucky might lose his mind at any second and attack without provocation. It bothered him then, but now Bucky just glared.

“I warned you,” he told Steve. “You yelled at Tony when he was trying to talk to you, asshole! And you!” He switched his glare to Bruce. “I should punch you too!”

“What?” Bruce said, looking surprised. “Why?”

“You brushed Tony off! He needed you and you just walked away!”

Bruce, to his credit, didn’t try to pretend he didn’t know what Bucky was talking about. “I told him that Steve needed me,” he began.

“Steve had the whole fucking team around him!” Bucky snarled. “Tony didn’t have anyone.”

“He didn’t need anyone,” Bruce said, though with less confidence. 

“Bullshit. Are you telling me that Tony Stark coming to you, asking for your help, doesn’t sound usual to you?” Bucky snapped. 

“It was just for an experiment…” Bruce trailed off.

“You’re supposed to be his friend. You’re supposed to be his team,” Bucky added, turning his glare onto the others. “Not a single one of you bothered to notice that Tony needed help.”

“Why do you even care?” Clint said.

“Because Tony is my…” Bucky cut himself off, just in time, and noticed Natasha’s eyes narrowing. “Tony is _mine_ ,” he said finally. “My responsibility. And you fuckers didn’t even care about him!”

“Whoa, no one knew you were friends. We all thought you hated him,” Clint said, holding his hands up.

“That shouldn’t matter! You’re still his team! None of you even cared enough to see that he was suffering! Instead, you yelled at him and made him feel like shit for something he was already trying to do.” Bucky looked back at Steve. “Do you really think so lowly of Tony that you think he wouldn’t look for someone who was missing? Especially when Hydra is involved?”

Steve looked a little uncomfortable. “Tony hates you,” he explained, grimacing. 

“Tony loves me,” Bucky said hotly, because he didn’t doubt that. Not anymore. “I’m pretty sure that next to Rhodes and Pepper, I’m the most important person in his life because I actually care about him. It must be a novel thing for him, considering he surrounds himself with people like you idiots.”

“Are you dating?” Natasha asked suddenly. 

“No,” Bucky said. Which was stupid on his part, he realized a second later. Dating would have been an excellent cover. But he couldn’t even fathom the idea of dating a Little. It went against everything that he was. Besides, despite the numerous rumors (which Tony had spent years carefully cultivating), Tony had no interest in sex or dating.

Natasha nodded. “Tony is a Little, and you’re his caregiver.”

Dead silence. Bucky felt sick. He’d never meant to put Tony’s secret out there like that. Natasha watched his face and nodded again, like his silence was confirming the last of her suspicions.

“What?” Steve said, breaking the silence. “That’s crazy. Tony’s not –”

“Yes he is. I’ve had suspicions for years, but I could never prove it. And I knew that if I asked him, Tony would freak out and deny everything and probably hurt himself in the process,” Natasha said. She turned a cool look on Steve. “If you didn’t at least wonder once or twice in the time you’ve known him, I’m going to lose a lot of respect for you. Tony is basically a textbook Little. He hides it well, but no one can keep a mask up 24/7.”

“I…” Steve was clearly speechless. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times, then looked at Clint and Wanda for support. Wanda was silent, though she did lower her hand and let Bucky free. Bruce didn’t say a word, either. But his eyes were wide, and he looked like he was silently replaying several conversations and coming to some pretty obvious conclusions.

“Oh my god,” Clint said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you notice? You’re a caregiver. It took you less than two days to notice it in me. You’ve lived with Tony for over three years.”

“That’s – I mean – it’s _Stark_!” Clint burst out. “He’s nothing like a Little!”

“Wrong,” Natasha said flatly, rolling her eyes, then turned back to Bucky. “I’m sorry. I should’ve paid more attention to Tony this week. I didn’t realize.”

“It’s not me you should be apologizing to,” Bucky said. He did feel slightly mollified by her apology, but it wasn’t enough. The whole team had a lot to answer for as far as he was concerned. “And even if he wasn’t a Little, you all acted like selfish assholes towards him. Tony isn’t just here to answer your every whim. He’s an actual person who needs help and support sometimes, no matter how much he might try to hide it.”

“But he was hiding it,” Wanda said. “Wasn’t he? How is that our fault?”

Bucky pinned her with a glare. “This isn’t about you. Stay the fuck away from my baby,” he said in his deadliest tone. It was gratifying to see Wanda go white and back up a step. Tony was terrified of Wanda, even if he wouldn’t admit it. He made it a point to stay as far away from her as possible, and he was visibly unsettled whenever she used her powers in the field. She might have been Steve’s Little, but that didn’t mean Bucky was willing to give her any leeway. His main concern had to be Tony.

“Bucky!” Steve said.

“You should’ve noticed,” Bucky said, looking at Steve. “A book club, Steve? Really? I can’t believe you didn’t realize what a crock of shit that was.”

Steve flushed. “I thought it was good for you! You were getting out of the tower!”

“ _Tony_ is good for me. So I’d appreciate it if you stopped looking at him like he was going to attack me every time the two of us talk,” Bucky said tightly. “And if you would’ve shut your damn mouth during your little chat you would’ve heard Tony say that he was already looking for me, and had been since the moment he heard I disappeared. Not only that, you might’ve heard him asking for help. Instead, you insulted him and threatened him with dismissal from the team.”

“What?” Natasha blurted out.

“Steve!” Bruce exclaimed at the same time, sounding horrified. “You didn’t.”

Steve frowned. “I don’t want anyone on the team who can’t support their teammates,” he said stiffly. “It was a legitimate threat.”

“Then you should throw yourself off the team,” Bucky informed him. “Because that’s exactly what you did to Tony.” His phone beeped. Bucky checked it automatically and saw a text from JARVIS saying that Tony was waking up. Never had Bucky appreciated the level of discretion that JARVIS was capable of than he had at that moment. 

“Bucky,” Steve said, sounding a little desperate. “Please. I’m sorry.”

Bucky just shook his head and walked out. Steve didn’t get it. If he was still apologizing to Bucky, he didn’t get it at all. And there was no point in standing there trying to explain it to him. Maybe Natasha, Bruce, Laura and Clint would be able to knock some sense into him, but Bucky was done. Months of watching Steve treat Tony like shit had culminated in this, and right then Bucky would’ve been okay if he never saw Steve Rogers again.

He took the elevator up to Tony’s floor and spent the minute trying to calm himself. It was hard. His pulse was still racing with residual anger. He’d calmed slightly by the time the doors opened. He walked out and headed straight for the nursery. Tony was sitting up in his crib, blinking and looking around the room with an adorably fuzzy look that meant he wasn’t fully awake.

“Hey darlin’ boy,” Bucky said softly, some of the tension melting away. 

“Dada?” Tony said, quiet and tentative. He obviously remembered Bucky’s affirmation of the word, but wasn’t sure of it. He was at least more aware, which was a positive sign.

“Hi baby. Did you have a good sleep?” Bucky walked over and let the side of the crib down, picking Tony up. “Oh, sweetheart. Dada missed you so much.” He hugged Tony close, breathing in that sweet baby smell. Tony nodded, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s neck and cuddling into him, letting out a soft little cry. Bucky shushed him and bounced him gently, just enjoying the feeling of having Tony in his arms again.

He and Tony needed to talk, but that could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more chapter of this fic (so seven chapters instead of six).


	7. Chapter 7

“I’m sorry,” Bucky said into the silence. “I’m sorry for outing you. I know you worked really hard to keep your classification a secret from the team.”

Tony didn’t look at him, just kept his eyes on the screen. “You didn’t mean to.”

“That doesn’t matter. I’m still sorry.”

“Natasha’s just too smart for her own good,” Tony said softly. His voice sounded kind of thick. “And I guess I’m not as good at hiding stuff as I like to think I am.”

Bucky looked at him helplessly. He knew Tony was upset, but he wasn’t sure what to do about it. They’d spent most of the day just cuddling together, but, after giving Tony his supper, Bucky knew the time had come for them to talk. Getting Tony out of his headspace had been easy. Telling him what happened was much harder. In the end, Bucky had just asked JARVIS to play the footage from the kitchen for Tony.

“You’re very good at it, Tony. Natasha had no proof until I opened my big mouth.”

Tony shook his head and finally looked at Bucky. His eyes were overly bright, but he was smiling a little. “You punched Steve for me.”

“He deserved it. I’d punch him again.”

“He’s your best friend.”

“And you’re my _baby_ ,” Bucky said, meaning it with his whole heart. He should’ve said this months ago, but better late than never. “You come first. You always have. I know we haven’t talked about me being your daddy or anything like that, but… but I want to. I want to so bad.”

“Really?” Tony asked. It came out tiny and so filled with doubt that Bucky’s heart broke. He couldn’t help pulling Tony into his arms.

“Yes, really. You’re the best baby in the whole world. I love you.”

Tony trembled. Bucky felt it only because they were pretty so tightly together, and he hugged Tony even tighter as a result. But there was still more to be said, so he whispered, “I don’t want to jump to conclusions about what you do or don’t want. We can keep this casual if you want. But… we’ve been doing this for a while now. You know me. I know you. And I think we’re good together. I’d like more.”

It was hard to put himself out there, but this was Tony. He was worth it. And Bucky knew that Tony would never take the first step. Not after he’d been rejected countless times during the course of his life, and twice more in the past week by members of their own team. No. If Bucky wanted this, and he wanted it more than anything else, he had to be the one to actually say it.

“Are you sure?” Tony said, not meeting Bucky’s eyes. “You don’t have to – just because I called you –”

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life,” Bucky said firmly.

“Then yes,” Tony said. It was barely audible, but Bucky still heard it. His heart soared. 

“Really?” he said. 

“Yes. Really. If you’re sure you want me.”

“So sure,” Bucky said fervently. Tony still wasn’t looking at him, but he was hugging Bucky back now. That was a start. It would probably take a couple days before things were back to normal. Bucky was willing to deal with that if it meant he could hear Tony call him “Dada” again and know it wasn’t a fluke.

“I don’t want to be little around the team,” Tony said suddenly. “I don’t trust them.”

“I don’t blame you. I’m happy with keeping things behind closed doors.” For now, anyway. Bucky hoped that at some point in the future, the team would make amends with Tony for Tony’s sake. Tony deserved to feel safe and comfortable in his own home.

Tony nodded. “I don’t want anyone around me but you. No one else is allowed to visit.”

“I understand.”

“And… and no details,” Tony added. “It’s okay that they know. I always knew it was going to happen at one point. Natasha having her suspicions confirmed from your talk are a hell of a lot better than one of them walking in on me when I’m in my headspace.” From the shudder that wracked his body, he’d imagined that unpleasant scenario more than once. “But that’s _all_ I want them to know.”

“I won’t tell anyone, Tony, I promise,” Bucky said. He still felt guilty for having given Natasha the information she needed to draw her conclusions, and he was grateful that Tony had forgiven him so easily. He would still have to find a way to make it up to Tony though, and he could start by keeping his mouth shut about baby Tony.

“I believe you,” Tony said. He hesitated before adding, “I know I have to face them eventually, but… can we just stay here tonight?”

“Of course we can. I’d like nothing better. Do you want to be big or little?”

Tony seemed a little surprised by the question. “Little, please. I’m tired of being big.”

“I’d be happy to spend the evening with my baby boy,” Bucky murmured, pressing a kiss to Tony’s head. It was troubling that Tony didn’t seem to get that Bucky liked spending time with him regardless of whether he was big or small. They’d have to work on that too.

It didn’t take long for Tony to slip into his headspace. In less than five minutes, Bucky had a lapful of squirmy baby. It melted his heart when Tony looked up with those big brown eyes and called him “Dada” again, like he was saying his own personal ‘I love you too’. Bucky kissed him all over until Tony’s worried little frown had turned into a giggling smile, and then he scooped his baby up and decided it was time for a treat: he’d had some doughnuts delivered from Tony’s favorite bakery.

He didn’t put Tony into his crib that night, preferring instead to spend the night cuddling Tony in bed. He wasn’t expecting to wake up alone. Bucky got up immediately, a little concerned, and found Tony sitting at the breakfast nook in the kitchen. Tony was huddled around a cup of coffee, which meant he was big today. He grunted a greeting at Bucky in between sips of coffee.

“Good morning to you too,” Bucky said, amused. Big or little, Tony hated mornings. He poured himself a cup of coffee, refilled Tony’s cup, and then sat next to Tony. 

“We have a press conference today,” Tony said. “Fury texted me. He wants us both there.”

Bucky had been thinking. He cleared his throat. “Can we say we’re dating?”

“What?” Tony squeaked, nearly spilling his coffee. It was adorable.

“Natasha asked me that. I didn’t realize until I’d said no what a perfect cover it was. It means that we can spend time together without people wondering about us, and means that I can touch you in public. If you’re okay with that, of course,” Bucky amended.

“You want to touch me?” Tony said, recovering beautifully. He raised his eyebrows and leered. It looked so wrong that Bucky grimaced.

“Okay, no, you can’t do that. You’re a Little. It goes against everything that I am to think of you sexually,” Bucky said. It infuriated him that there were people out there who did think of Tony that way, but he understood why Tony had cultivated those rumors. Or at least, Bucky hoped they were purely rumors. He’d never found the courage to ask, mostly because it meant he would then want to murder anyone who’d actually had sex with Tony.

The tips of Tony’s ears reddened, but he stopped. “Then that’s a problem. People won’t believe it if they never see us kiss.”

“I could kiss you,” Bucky said thoughtfully. His memories of his childhood were vague at best, but he definitely remembered giving his ma a kiss on the mouth at bedtime. His sisters had done the same thing. It had always been purely platonic. There was no reason why he couldn’t do the same thing with Tony. 

Tony frowned, swirling his coffee around. “It would mean you couldn’t date anyone.”

Bucky had to laugh. “Sex? Me? Tony, I haven’t slept with anyone in over seventy-five years, much less dated.”

“All the more reason for us not to use that as a cover.”

“No,” Bucky said, shaking his head. “No, I – I’m not ready for that. I don’t know if I ever will be.” He could share a bed with Tony because he trusted Tony. He loved Tony. But he couldn’t fathom letting anyone else in to that degree. And after some of the things Hydra had done, Bucky wasn’t sure if he would ever redevelop an interest in sex or dating. That ship may very well have sailed permanently, and he’d made peace with that.

He met Tony’s eyes. “Frankly, this would be a good cover for me too. The tabloids keep writing articles about eligible bachelors and including my name on the list. That makes me… really uncomfortable.”

Looking concerned, Tony started to take out his phone. “Let me call Pepper and –”

“No! Thank you for the offer, but that will just draw more attention.”

“They are annoying like that,” Tony said with a sigh. He was quiet for a moment, thinking. “Yeah, okay. That will work. It’s not like I’m going to be dating anyone anyway. But when you said touching –”

“Holding hands. Hugging. An arm around your shoulders. Like you said, we need to look convincing, but that’s it. I promise not to pick you up or do anything too babyish.”

Tony eyed him. “Make sure you don’t. Being picked up by you sends me into my headspace pretty much immediately, and I don’t need to tell you how much that can _not_ happen in public.”

“I won’t,” Bucky promised. He’d noticed that about Tony before. Being picked up and rocked was a guaranteed way to calm baby Tony down. “If I ever see you starting to slip, I’ll get you out of there as quickly as I can. You probably noticed that I’m good with my fists.”

Finally, Tony cracked a grin. “Yeah, that was hard to miss. Please don’t punch any reporters unless you have to. They tend to be pretty touchy about that kind of stuff.” He sighed a little and drained his cup. “Speaking of touchy, I guess I need to face the music. Though I’d much rather hide up here.”

“I’ll go down with you,” Bucky said, maybe a little too eagerly judging by Tony’s amused look. “Just let me grab some clothes.”

Tony was very tense on the trip downstairs. Bucky kept his distance for all of two minutes before he cautiously slid an arm around Tony’s shoulders. He was prepared to pull away if Tony tensed up anymore, but it was actually the opposite: Tony melted into the touch. Bucky exhaled in relief, pleased he’d made the right move, and plastered a low-key glare on his face as the elevator doors opened.

Steve’s head snapped around immediately – of course he’d been waiting for them. The bruising on his face was gone; Bucky’s hands itched to punch him again. He glared a little harder when he realized that Steve was alone, which was unusual considering that Fury had asked for the whole team and they typically traveled to events like this together. This was feeling a little bit like an ambush. Hadn’t Steve taken his threats seriously?

“Hi,” Steve said after a beat of uncomfortable silence. 

“Hi Steve,” Tony said, sounding at once tired and amused. 

“Tony, I…” Steve fumbled, glancing warily at Bucky. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t tell me you were a Little.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Bucky burst out. “That’s your apology?!”

“Bucky!” Tony said. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not fine. Jesus, Steve. You’ve been a complete jackass, and now you’re offering up a half-assed “I’m sorry you felt that way” apology? Are you even sorry for how you acted?”

Steve flushed. “I was trying to protect you,” he argued weakly.

“I don’t need your protection,” Bucky practically snarled. “What I need is for you to treat all of the members of your team the same. Or at the very least, with some degree of professionalism. If you don’t change your attitude…” He let the threat hang in the air, knowing Steve’s imagination would fill in multiple blanks.

“I’m sorry,” Steve said meekly, avoiding Bucky's gaze by looking at Tony. Bucky ground his teeth. He was positive that Steve was apologizing because Bucky had yelled at him, not because he was genuinely sorry. He was equally positive that this front would probably disappear as soon as Steve felt comfortable again.

“It’s fine,” Tony said again, elbowing Bucky. “Just… this doesn’t need to change anything in the field. That’s all I need from you.”

“Done.” Steve nodded quickly, perking up. Like it was really that easy. Yeah right.

The second Tony was in the kitchen, Bucky pounced. He backed Steve up against the wall and pulled the same trick that Steve loved to pull on everyone else, looming over him – because Steve was maybe an inch taller, but Bucky was heftier in the shoulders. It was satisfying to watch Steve’s face flush red and then go pale as he realized Bucky had him boxed in.

“I’m telling you now,” Bucky said, very quietly and very calmly. “You watch yourself, Steve, and you watch that Little of yours.”

“Are you threatening me and Wanda?” Steve asked.

Bucky stared him dead in the eyes. “Yeah, I am. If you two don’t change your attitude when it comes to Tony, there’s going to be problems. I’m not going to stand by and watch you treat him like shit anymore.”

“I never –” Steve began. Amazingly, he was wise enough to stop before he finished that sentence. He looked at Bucky for a long moment, then finished with, “I understand. Tony’s your Little. Even if I question your judgment, I get that you’re protective of him. I’ll try to be kinder.”

“You should want to be kinder because he’s your teammate, and supposed to be your friend,” Bucky couldn’t help pointing out. 

“You’re right,” Steve said, though whether he meant it or was just placating Bucky was anyone’s guess. “I just have to - Tony, though? Really? We could’ve gotten you a nice Little, Buck, some little boy –”

“I’m going to say this once. Tony’s the sweetest baby I could ask for. I’m lucky he wants me,” Bucky said. “ _I_ question _your_ judgment when it comes to Wanda, but you’re my friend and I trust that you’ve thought through the consequences and want her anyway. I expect the same courtesy when it comes to Tony.” He could hardly believe he needed to ask for it. He was going to have to work hard to open the team’s eyes in the future.

Steve nodded. “That’s fair. I’ll warn Wanda to be nice.”

“See that you do.” Bucky backed off, sensing he’d gotten as far as he was going to get today. He stalked into the kitchen, where he found the rest of the team and Tony, who was talking to Bruce. Tony glanced up at his arrival and smiled. That smile simultaneously melted Bucky’s heart and hardened his resolve.

For Tony, he would do anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://tsuki-chibi.tumblr.com/).


End file.
